Sunday 17 December 2017

New mobile App: How to check if your son is a gay

An Android app available in France claims to let you know whether or not ton fils est homo by answering a few simple, stereotypical questions. This isn’t the first gay app to make the news You may remember that back in March, Apple discontinued the “gay cure” app created by Exodus International because it violated their anti-hate speech policy.

New mobile App: How to check if your son is a gay

I wonder if French citizens will be similarly outraged by the app, “Mon fils et-il gay?”  The quiz questions are pretty silly and may come across more tongue-in-cheek in their native language, but here they are translated to English, with some additional clarification:
1. Does he like to dress well, pay close attention to his outfits and brands? (Editor’s note: Does he like Ed Hardy?)

 2. He loves football? (Editor’s note: Or balls of any kind, really.)

 3. Before birth, did you want that child is a girl? (Editor’s note: Is that why you got him circumcised?)

 4. He he been beaten or been involved in a fight? (Editor’s note: Fighting is so gay.)

 5. He reads the sports pages? (Editor’s note: He reads, period.)

 6. He has a best friend? (Editor’s note: All friendly people are gay. And they all want to have sex with you!)

 7. He loves team sports? (Editor’s note: see ball-loving, above.)

 8. He is discreet? (Editor’s note: Seriously, is he?  Cuz I want to meet him after school but don’t want anyone to know.)

 9. Is a fan of singers divas (Dalida, Mylène Farmer …)? (Editor’s note: in English, those translate to Beyonce, Adele and Justin Bieber.)

 10. Remains there long in the bathroom? (Editor’s note: Gay guys take a long time to poop.)

 11. Does he have a piercing in the tongue, the arch, nose or ear? (Editor’s note: TONGUE PIERCING, DUH. RED FLAG. ps – I think arch is a gay way to say eyebrow.)

 12. Does it take him a long time to do his hair? (Editor’s note: If so, he should do it while he’s pooping.)

 13. You ask yourself questions about the sexual orientation of your son? (Editor’s note: You’ll get better answers if you ask him directly.)

 14. Are you divorced? (Editor’s note: WHY DID YOU TAKE HIS FATHER AWAY AND MAKE HIM GAY?)

 15. He likes musicals? (Editor’s note: Everyone should like musicals.  Hating musicals doesn’t make you straight, it makes you dead inside.)

 16. Did he introduce you to a girlfriend? (Editor’s note: If she’s fat, that means she’s his “fag hag” or “fruit fly.” It also means that girl is going to cry when your son does not go to third base with her after prom.)

 17. His father is very authoritarian to your son? (Editor’s note: He has to be EVER SINCE THE DIVORCE! The kid won’t listen!)

 18. Is his father absent? (Editor’s note: You couldn’t have stayed married for his benefit, really? You selfish, selfish, gay-maker.)

 19. In his childhood, he was rather shy and quiet? (Editor’s note: Gay guys make great mimes.)

 20. Does he get along with his father? (Editor’s note: WE GET IT ALREADY. Divorce makes kids gay!!! That’s why children of divorce love to watch Barney. Yes, that show is still on, precisely because of its gay fan base. Gay kids love purple dinosaurs who sing, see musicals, Justin Bieber, above.)
If the app determines your son is in fact homosexuel, it says, “‘No need to look the other way! … He is gay! … ACCEPT IT! …’ You see, the joke’s on you, homophobic French mom!”